Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Leroy The Redneck Reindeer - by Joe Diffie - Steve Pippin - Stacey Slate (Joe Diffie 1996)

(Make sure your speakers are on. The words to the song are shown below!)


Leroy the Redneck Reindeer

(Joe Diffie / Steve Pippin / Stacey Slate)

Joe Diffie - 1996

Well, you've all heard about Rudolph and his nose,

But I'll tell you a Christmas tale that never has been told.

Well, you may think you've heard it all but you ain't heard yet.

About that crazy Christmas that the North pole can't forget.

Rudolph was under the weather, he had to call in sick.

So he got on the horn to his cousin Leroy, who lived out in the sticks.

He said: "Santa's really counting on me and I hate to pass the buck."

Leroy said "Hey I'm on my way," and he jumped in his pick-up truck.

When Leroy got to the North Pole all the reindeer snickered and laughed.

They'd never seen a deer in overalls and a John Deere Tractor hat.

But Santa stepped in and said: "Just calm down cause we've all got a job to do.

"And like it or not, Leroy's in charge, and he's gonna be leading you."

And it was Leroy, the red neck reindeer,

Hooked to the front of the sleigh.

Delivering toys to all the good ole boys and girls along the way.

He's just a down home party animal, two-stepping across the sky.

He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell, and made history that night.

Before that night was over, Leroy had changed their tune.

He had them scootin' a hoof on every single roof, by the light of a neon moon.

Santa wrapped his bag with a Dixie flag, he was having the time of his life.

And you can hear him call Merry Christmas y'all, and to all of y'all a good night.

And it was Leroy, the red neck reindeer,

Hooked to the front of the sleigh.

Delivering toys to all the good ole boys and girls along the way.

He's just a down home party animal, two-stepping across the sky.

He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell, and made history that night.

He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell, and made history that night.

Merry Christmas And Happy Holidays To All - Now Here Are Some Recent Holiday Jokes/Stories That I Received Via Email!

Subject: FW: [joke] Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread all tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"


Subject: [joke] Nativity Scene

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You damn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"


Subject: FW: [joke] Happy Thanksgiving (US)

Today is Thanksgiving in the US. People are travelling to be with family and/or friends, turkeys are being cooked, vast feasts are being laid out on crowded dining room tables. Parades are being watched, football games being played and teams being cheered on. Later today, people will be laying about in a food induced stupor.

You guys living in other countries are busy working and waiting for Friday to come, not knowing what you are missing .

Here is a quick video for your enjoyment today.


Subject: FW: [blue_joke] Dirty Xmas

Top 10 things that sound dirty on Christmas, but aren't....

10. Did you get any under the tree?

9. I think your balls are hanging too low.

8. Check out Rudolph's honker!

7. Santa's sack is really bulging.

6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.

5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?

4. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.

3. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.

2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?

1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.


Merry Christmas to all my Nutty Friends and Family!

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