25% Of Women Are On Medication For Mental Illness

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Leroy The Redneck Reindeer - by Joe Diffie - Steve Pippin - Stacey Slate (Joe Diffie 1996)

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(Make sure your speakers are on. The words to the song are shown below!)

 

Leroy the Redneck Reindeer

(Joe Diffie / Steve Pippin / Stacey Slate)

Joe Diffie - 1996

Well, you've all heard about Rudolph and his nose,

But I'll tell you a Christmas tale that never has been told.

Well, you may think you've heard it all but you ain't heard yet.

About that crazy Christmas that the North pole can't forget.


Rudolph was under the weather, he had to call in sick.

So he got on the horn to his cousin Leroy, who lived out in the sticks.

He said: "Santa's really counting on me and I hate to pass the buck."

Leroy said "Hey I'm on my way," and he jumped in his pick-up truck.


When Leroy got to the North Pole all the reindeer snickered and laughed.

They'd never seen a deer in overalls and a John Deere Tractor hat.

But Santa stepped in and said: "Just calm down cause we've all got a job to do.

"And like it or not, Leroy's in charge, and he's gonna be leading you."


And it was Leroy, the red neck reindeer,

Hooked to the front of the sleigh.

Delivering toys to all the good ole boys and girls along the way.

He's just a down home party animal, two-stepping across the sky.

He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell, and made history that night.


Before that night was over, Leroy had changed their tune.

He had them scootin' a hoof on every single roof, by the light of a neon moon.

Santa wrapped his bag with a Dixie flag, he was having the time of his life.

And you can hear him call Merry Christmas y'all, and to all of y'all a good night.


And it was Leroy, the red neck reindeer,

Hooked to the front of the sleigh.

Delivering toys to all the good ole boys and girls along the way.

He's just a down home party animal, two-stepping across the sky.

He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell, and made history that night.

He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell, and made history that night.

Merry Christmas And Happy Holidays To All - Now Here Are Some Recent Holiday Jokes/Stories That I Received Via Email!

Subject: FW: [joke] Holiday Eating Tips


1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread all tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

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Subject: [joke] Nativity Scene


In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You damn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"

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Subject: FW: [joke] Happy Thanksgiving (US)


Today is Thanksgiving in the US. People are travelling to be with family and/or friends, turkeys are being cooked, vast feasts are being laid out on crowded dining room tables. Parades are being watched, football games being played and teams being cheered on. Later today, people will be laying about in a food induced stupor.

You guys living in other countries are busy working and waiting for Friday to come, not knowing what you are missing .

Here is a quick video for your enjoyment today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd_GfEKMW8M

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Subject: FW: [blue_joke] Dirty Xmas

Top 10 things that sound dirty on Christmas, but aren't....

10. Did you get any under the tree?

9. I think your balls are hanging too low.

8. Check out Rudolph's honker!

7. Santa's sack is really bulging.

6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.

5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?

4. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.

3. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.

2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?

1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.

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Merry Christmas to all my Nutty Friends and Family!

Scariest (or cutest) costume of the year? - GlennBeck.com

Kids dressed as Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin... best costumes of the year...

Halloween, Mardi Gras, Tea Party Events, etc.

Read the full story here:

 http://www.glennbeck.com/content/articles/article/198/47496/ 

More Halloween Cartoons

Halloween Carved Pumpkins by Ray Villafane

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Artist Ray Villafane (<< pumpkin carving tutuorial and gallery) began carving pumpkins on a lark for his art students in a small rural school district in Michigan. The hobby changed his life as he gained a viral following online and unlocked his genuine love of sculpting. Here are images of pumpkin carvings Villafane created over the past five years.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  Considering his politics, Letterman is REALLY scary!!!

AND THE SCARIEST OF ALL SAVED FOR LAST!!!

Halloween - Kid's Costumes

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SERIOUSLY!! Can you imagine walking up to a house with this on?

You wouldn't be able to get anywhere NEAR the door!

 I hope this cute little girl doesn't go to any left-wing nutjob's house who is anti-Tea Party!

They might go postal on the cute little girl.  Sorry... no kid postal worker costume.  LOL



 Oompa Loompa!

Cute little prickly cactus! 

 Kinda makes me hungry!

I hope this kid doesn't have to climb many stairs 

Need a hint?  See below the pic! 

Answer:  Dukes Of Hazzard's Boss Hogg

Halloween Is Going To Suck This Year - Political Joke - Haunted Houses

OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT - Federal Government Is Changing The National Emblem From The Eagle To A Condom

Official Announcement:

The government, today, announced that it is

changing it's emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM

because it more accurately reflects the

government's political stance.  A condom allows

for inflation, halts production, destroys the next

generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives

you a sense of security while you're actually being

screwed!!!

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!!!

Joke - Old Al The Rooster

Old Al

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. John's favorite rooster, Old Al, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed Old Al's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To John's amazement, Old Al had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of Old Al, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded Old Al the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pullet Surprise" as well.

Clearly Old Al was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this fall, the bells are not always audible.

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I found this joke on the net and it was called Old Butch but it seemed to fit AlGore and his lying, stealing, cheating ways much better than some guy named Butch... who might just be a good ol' boy.

Joke - Lion Tamer

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."

The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."

"Yes I do!"

"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"

"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."

"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"

"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."

"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."

"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"

"Well, then I pick up some of the crap that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage."

"Well, what if there ain't no crap in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some crap on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."

LOL

Lenny Vasbinder

Jokes - The Little Boy Writes God AND God's Sense Of Humor

The Little Boy Writes God

A Little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Obama.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Obama thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God:

Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C. and those assholes took $95.00 in taxes!

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God's Sense Of Humor

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it.. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, pointed to a land area & said, "What's that?"

"That's the State of Texas, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful rivers, mountains, streams, lakes, forests, hills, beaches and plains.

The people from the State of Texas are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "There's Washington DC. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

Obama Administration Gives Illegal Aliens Backdoor Amnesty -- Redstate.com AND Some Illegal Alien Cartoons That I Just Received Via Email

(Read the article on Redstate.com for more info... Scroll down for Illegal Immigration cartoons)
Obama admin gives illegal aliens backdoor amnesty

Posted by Dan Spencer (Profile)
Wednesday, August 25th at 1:30PM EDT

The so-called backdoor amnesty for illegal aliens is no longer merely another bad idea from the Obama administration. According to the Houston Chronicle, the Department of Homeland Security is trying to dismiss thousands of deportation cases against “suspected illegal immigrants.”

The Chronicle reports the Obama amnesty effort began “about a month ago” in Houston, where the Department of Homeland Security now has five attorneys working full-time on this backdoor amnesty for illegal aliens. The amnesty program is expected to be rolled out nationwide soon.

Senator John Cornyn blasted the Obama amnesty:

This situation is just another side effect of President Obama’s failure to deliver on his campaign promise to make immigration reform a priority in his first year. Until he does, state and local authorities are left with no choice but to pick up the slack for prosecuting and detaining criminal aliens.

Earlier this year, President Obama affirmed his support for the Schumer/Graham immigration legislation outline.

Obama ran for president promising secure borders, increased number of legal immigrants, to remove incentives for illegal immigration, and to allow undocumented immigrants who are in good standing to pay a fine, learn English, and go to the back of the line for the opportunity to become citizens.

President Obama promised to make immigration reform a top priority of the first year of his presidency. When Obama backed away from that promise, Politifact rated his promise stalled.  (LV adds... so much for Politifact being unbiased as they claim to be... seems they're just another left leaning media outlet.)

As I have said before, Amnesty for illegal, whether it is backdoor or contained in a comprehensive reform bill, sends a simple message - get into the United States anyway you can because eventually you will be legalized. That message will be heard loud and clear just as it was with the adoption of the Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986 (”IRCA”). That “immigration reform” legalized four million illegal aliens. IRCA was a monumental failure. Twenty-odd years later there millions of new illegal aliens to legalize.

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AND... now to lighten things up a little with a little humor!  Open each picture in a separate window/tab to see it full size.