While many of my "rants" are related to politics and politicians, government waste and the waste known as Washington, D.C., I also rant and rave about various computer programs, the economy, the environment. Mainly combatting all the left-wing wackos out there and also post some good jokes from time to time.
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New Orleans -- Mayor Cantrell declares GIANT skidmark or shart stain to be remnants of the Pine Island Trend rather than admit her administration has been a dark stain on the city of New Orleans.
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December 25
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Meadow, CO
Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge in a Pear Tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
Agnes
December 26
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Meadow, CO
Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine - Two Turtle Doves! I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
December 27
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Meadow, CO
Dearest John,
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity -- Three French Hens! They are just delightful, but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love,
Agnes
December 28
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Meadow, CO
Dearest John,
Today the postman delivered Four Calling Birds. Now really, you're being too romantic. They are beautiful, but don't you think that enough is enough?
Affectionately,
Agnes
December 29
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Meadow, CO
Dearest John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered Five Golden Rings -- one
for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those
birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
Love,
Agnes
December 30
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Meadow, CO
Dear John,
When I opened the door, there were actually Six Geese-A-Laying on my
front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge.
Where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through
the racket.
Please stop.
Cordially,
Agnes
December 31
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Meadow, CO
John,
What's with you and those fucking birds? Seven Swans-A-Swimming! What
kind of a goddamn joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and they
never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck --
it's not funny. So stop with those fucking birds!
Sincerely,
Agnes
January 1
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Meadow, CO
OK, Buster!
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with Eight
Maids a Milking? It's not enough with all these birds and maids a milking, but
they had to bring their goddamn cows! There's shit all over the lawn and I
can't move in my own house.
Just lay off me, smartass!
Agnes
January 2
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Meadow, CO
Hey Shithead,
What are you, some kind of sadist? Now there are nine Pipers Piping!
And Christ do they play! They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they
got here. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those
screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition
to evict me!
You'll get yours!
Agnes
January 3
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Meadow, CO
You Rotten Prick!
Now there's Ten Ladies Dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts
ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. The cows can't sleep
and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The commissioner
of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be
condemned. I'm siccing the police on you.
One who means it!!
Agnes
January 4
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Meadow, CO
Listen, Fuckhead!
What's with the Eleven Lords a Leaping on those Maids and Ladies? Some
of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and
have been committing sodomy with the cows! All 23 birds are dead, they've been
trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you vicious, rotten
swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes
January 5
Law Offices of Badger, Bender & Cajole
303 Knave Street
Chicago, IL
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge receipt of your latest gift of the Twelve
Drummers Drumming, which you have seen fit to inflict upon our client, Miss
Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total.
All future correspondence should be sent to our attention. If you
should attempt to contact Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the
attendants have instructions to shoot on sight!
With this letter, you will find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Badger, Bender & Cajole
===================================
The Twelve Days of Christmas (lyrics and video)
By: Fred Waring & His Pennsylvanians
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A partridge in a pear tree
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me three French hens
Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens
Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six geese a-layin', five golden rings, four calling birds
Three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven swans a-swimmin', six geese a-layin', five golden rings
Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eight maids a-milkin', seven swans a-swimmin'
Six geese a-layin', five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens
Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Nine lords a-leapin', eight maids a-milkin', seven swans a-swimmin'
Six geese a-layin', five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens
Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Ten ladies dancin', nine lords a-leapin', eight maids a-milkin'
Seven swans a-swimmin', six geese a-layin', five golden rings
Four calling birds, three French hens
Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eleven pipers pipin', ten ladies dancin', nine lords a-leapin'
Eight maids a-milkin', seven swans a-swimmin'
Six geese a-layin', five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens
Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve drummers drummin', eleven pipers pipin', ten ladies dancin'
Nine lords a-leapin', eight maids milkin', seven swans a-swimmin'
Six geese a-layin' five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens
Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree
I wrote the below 2005 post on my Yahoo GeoCities website before they were called blogs (short for Weblogs). While that platform no longer exists, the Internet Wayback Machine at Archive.org saved a copy, as the IWM does for almost every webpage on the internet. I did go through and edit some of the grammar issues now that I have been back in college a few years and know a LOT more about writing than I did back then.
“THE NEW MINOR(ITY). ANOTHER RIDICULOUS PROPOSAL -- OR NOT?”
Re: If so many "other adults" want to discriminate against 18, 19 and 20-year-old adults, then those "other adults" should VOTE to raise the "age of majority" (adulthood) back up to 21 years of age. [Edit - Info added -- Many people living today do not remember or ever knew that the age of majority and the voting age in the U.S. was 21 up until 1971 when the 26th Amendment to the Constitution lowered the voting age from 21 down to 18. More reading about this topic here -- http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2016/08/age-become-adult/]
Several things that will change or should be changed for "The New Minor(ity)":
1. The new "minors" will no longer be able to VOTE, join the military, sign the selective service card, get married, sign contracts or perform any other legal matter reserved for adults. Further, the new "minors" should not be allowed to become a legal guardian (parent) to a baby. If a new "minor" has, or fathers a baby, then one of each of the "minors" parents or guardians have to sign legal guardianship papers and agree to raise and support the "minors" and their baby until the "minors" reach the age of 21. One adult parent of the "minor mom" and "minor dad" must sign as legal guardians, making sure the rest of the taxpayers are not forced to pay for the acts of these new "minors". (Actually, this concept should be instituted today, even if the age of majority is not raised back up to 21.)
2. The new "minors" will be treated as juveniles for all criminal acts as long as they are "minors" (i.e.- Slapped on the wrist for most crimes.) Except, I propose creating a "three strikes and you’re out" and "nine innings" program where a new "minor" offender convicted "three times" or arrested "nine times" would be treated like an adult on all subsequent arrests and convictions. (This too would make sense today, even if the age of majority were not raised.)
3. The new "minors" should not be taxed in any way, shape or form since our country was founded to prevent "taxation without representation". Since I don't see where any of the politicians represent the new "minors" and the new "minors" would not be allowed to VOTE, they should be tax-exempt for all income earned and purchases made. (This should be made part of the tax code today.) (But we know that our "tax and spend" politicians are not going to exempt this large group of "minor" taxpayers, even though these same politicians have no problem passing age-specific laws and prohibitions against this same group of "minor" taxpayers.)
4. The new "minors" will be tax-deductible to parents for a few more years. Since the new "minors" will not be legally responsible for their actions until they reach the age of 21, their parents will be held responsible for any accidents, civil and criminal actions, debts, education, auto and health insurance, etc. Further, their parents will not be able to treat their new "minor" (18, 19 and 20-year-old) children as adults either.
5. The new "minors" will not be able to control their own bank accounts or credit cards and would, therefore, require their parents to co-sign for everything the "minors" do. Further, the parents would have to accompany them on trips to the mall, stores, etc. to sign checks and credit card vouchers. This would affect all retail sales, car sales, etc. and would put additional strains on the leisure time of the American family.
6. Of course, the new "minors" will not be able to smoke, drink, gamble or buy a handgun, BUT HECK; they can’t do those things now. (Or at least not in the very near future with the way things are going.)
Obvious the above proposals are ridiculous. I think that all "18, 19 and 20-year-old adults" should have the same rights and privileges as any "other adult". Because of spineless politicians, special interest groups and the "other adults" (who sit quietly by and watch as this age discrimination takes place), many of the rights and privileges are being stripped, or have been stripped, from the new "minor(ity)".
I propose reversing this trend and giving back all of the adult rights and privileges to 18, 19 and 20-year-olds and getting rid of this new "minor(ity)". Or we should VOTE to change the age of majority back to 21 years of age and strip anyone under 21 of all rights and privileges, granted to adults, and the responsibility that comes with those rights and privileges.
NOTICE:
ALL OF YOU SPINELESS POLITICIANS AND SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS (i.e.-M. A. D. D., etc.) CAN NOW TELL ALL THE "OTHER ADULTS" TO STAND UP, FOR A FEW MORE YEARS, AND RAISE THEIR NEW "MINOR" CHILDREN AND THE BABIES THAT COME WITH THEM. FURTHER, YOU CAN TELL THE "OTHER ADULTS" TO PAY THE INCREASES ON THE FAMILY AUTOMOBILE INSURANCE POLICY THAT WILL INEVITABLY HAPPEN WHEN ALL OF THESE NEW "MINORS" ARE ADDED BACK TO THE FAMILY POLICY. THE "OTHER ADULTS" WILL HAVE TO HELP WITH THE SHOPPING AND GO TO TRAFFIC COURT AND JUVENILE COURT WITH THEIR NEW "MINOR" CHILDREN. THE "OTHER ADULTS" WILL ALSO BE FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR NEW "MINOR" CHILDREN UNTIL THEY REACH THE AGE OF 21, INSTEAD OF THE CURRENT AGE OF 18.
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO RAISE THE AGE OF MAJORITY BACK TO 21?
Sarcastically yours... or not?
Lenny Vasbinder
P.S.- Feel free to e-mail me with your comments. If they are considered worthy by my editorial staff (me), they may be added to this page.
Thanks for reading my blog and following my blog and Youtube Channels. Please consider using my Amazon Store link for your Amazon shopping. I earn a very small commission from Amazon and it doesn't cost you anything extra. https://amzn.to/387qp8d Adding on to The 12 Days Of Christmas song, which actually starts on Christmas Day and ends January 5th, I'm going to try and do a meme/gif/video a day for the 14 days leading up to Christmas. I'll be updating this post every day with a new verse for the song. You can also follow me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/lenny.vasbinderto see the updates each day. Now, sing it with me -- On the 14th day before Christmas, a little girl wanted to say --
On the 13th day before Christmas, a magic trick gift for the kids --
On Friday the 13th, the 12th day before Christmas 2019, Jason killed the Elf On The Shelf --
On the 11th day before Christmas, I finally put my Christmas tree up -- mom, is that you? --
On the 10th day before Christmas, the Reindeer tried on their new socks --
On the 9th day before Christmas, the Squirrel showed off his Christmas lights --
On the 8th day before Christmas, the Rednecks hung their Christmas stockings (they were a day late because they were out hunting reindeer) --
On the 7th day before Christmas, T-Rex needed help decorating his Christmas tree --
On the 6th day before Christmas, the Elf On The Shelf needed some more money --
On the 5th day before Christmas, my friend, John Callahan sings his song parody, Oh Democrat! --
On the 4th day before Christmas, Lenny went to Facebook Jail AGAIN!!!! (for this meme)(You can get your Facebook Jail T-shirts at my Amazon Store here -- https://amzn.to/2ZoioqR --
On the 3rd day before Christmas, Rudolph got sick and called Cousin Leroy The Redneck Reindeer to take over on Christmas Eve --
On the 2nd day before Christmas, you told Santa that you were good this year--now it's canceled because Santa died laughing. Thanks a lot! --
On the day before Christmas, Lenny went back to Facebook Jail for defending Jesus Christ (for the disparaging movie on Netflix--and probably my comment about a gay Pres. Obama sucking a tranny Michelle. LOL) --
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